"The Silver Key" by H.P. Lovecraft

"Wonder had gone away, and he had forgotten that all life is only a set of pictures in the brain, among which there is no difference betwixt those born of real things and those born of inward dreamings, and no cause to value the one above the other" (193).
This unsure nature of life is probably what makes the speaker of the story regard his surroundings as "... a meaningless universe without fixed aims or stable points of reference" (195). Without knowing whether or not your remembrances and associations are "real" or imaginary in some moment of your past, how can we even insert ourselves into a context of the world. This could be quite a frustrating experience for some people, as not knowing whether your thoughts are based on reality or make-believe is not a very stable position to be in. But, then again, I could go into the "but what IS reality anyway? How do we know anything is real at all?" But I won't because I absolutely despise this philosophy. Although it could have some truth to it, I don't see a reason for it to matter at all. If it is something that we perceive to have happened, than my opinion as that we should simply accept that it happened and believe it to be fact, even if it could be part of this 'dream-world' we could possibly all be living in. If we walked around not accepting that a table was a table, living would be extremely difficult and we wouldn't be able to go on in the world. Honestly, I think it would just cause half of the worlds people to go mentally insane. I have even confused myself in writing this blog post, and even contemplating the possibility that nothing could be real has frustrated me.

On Dreams by Sigmund Freud

I'm finding it quite difficult to recall my first impressions of this book, even with my notes and highlights right in front of me. It is so factual and textbook-like that there is really not much room for interpretation, but I can attempt to insert my own experience into the position of some of the ideas Freud posits here.

"We must in any case suppose that even during deep sleep a certain amount of free attention is on duty as a guard against sensory stimuli, and that this guard may sometimes consider waking more advisable than a continuation of sleep. Otherwise there would be no explanation of how it is that we can be waked up at any moment by sensory stimuli of some particular quality" (67).

Some part of the brain, some faculty, must still be conscious in this respect. And if this is possible, it reinforces my belief that we can, at times, force ourselves awake during times of great dream distress or fright.

There have been rare occasions in which I am dreaming and something scary or unfavorable to me is happening in my dream and I consciously make the decision to wake up at that particular point in time. That means that some part of our brain must also be aware that we are dreaming and know that none of what is happening is real. I can also remember instances in which I have chosen to keep dreaming to see what happens, and feeling excited about it.

But, if this is true, then it seems as if we should be able to go back to sleep and decide what to dream about or to go back into a dream that was previously interrupted. This seems, in my experience and any other accounts of experience I have encountered in the past, to be impossible. Therefore, my conclusion is that the subconscious and the conscious mind are both at work here, in some kind of strange limbo or maybe even a battle for the brain.

There have also been times of dreaming so vivid that I have found myself waking up in either extreme relief or sadness to find out that it wasn't, in fact, real. My theory is that it depends on the degree of sleep depth. The deeper you are in sleep, the less likelihood of your conscious mind playing a part in your nighttime musings. There are so many different parts of the brain in play here as well as outside effects on dreaming that it all seems endlessly mysterious to me... Freud's thoughts on the matter definitely gave me some ideas and theories that I can base further thought regarding dreams on--he gave me a starting point that I'm not sure I would've been able to find otherwise.

"The Eyes" by Edith Wharton

In reading this piece, I repeatedly found myself trying to find a reason for the surfacing of The Eyes. I was trying to discern some sort of pattern that would allow me to predict when they would appear next due to Culwin's experiences or actions. I really couldn't find a concrete formula for their appearance, but it seems as if, more often than not, The Eyes appear at moments in which Culwin believes he is doing something good or morally acceptable. He first experiences the eyes the night after declaring that he "went up to bed with a rather heavy heart, for [he] was bound under the weight of the first good action [he] had ever consciously committed" (815).

One distinction that I think is important to make here is that his "good actions" are only good in the sense that he believes them to be for some reason or another. He admits that he has to consciously "decide to do what was right" (key word here being decide--it wasn't a natural inclination but a conscious decision), when he tells Alice that when he goes abroad, she should go with him (815). Thus, the very night after this first "good" action, The Eyes show themselves. Many people would posit that leading a girl on and telling her he wants to marry her, despite his making it very clear earlier that he is not attracted to her and thinks her very "uninteresting," is actually a very morally corrupt thing to do (814). But Culwin here believes that he is doing some service to the poor girl by lying to her and in this way showing some sort of pity for her. He didn't want her to come with him on his trip but he didn't want to hurt her by leaving her, so he invited her along. This act is controversial when it comes to how "right" or "wrong" it is, but the point is that at this particular moment, the foreboding Eyes decide to pass their judgment.

His view of doing the right thing seems to be making another person happy, whether based on a lie or not. This happens again with Gilbert Noyes, Alice's cousin. In this instance, he tells Gilbert that his writing is "all right" even though he believes it to be absolutely deplorable, in the hopes of sparing the boy's feelings and keeping him ignorantly happy. The Eyes rear their ugly head in this moment to pass their judgment once again. "Since [he]'d made Gilbert happy they simply wouldn't loosen their fangs" (824). It is nearly the same situation as before with Alice.

The only conclusion I can make of this is that, after dark, Culwin's decisions confront him in his most vulnerable psychological state--sleep. The night time brings truth and The Eyes may represent a sort of truth in that they show him that although his decisions to spare peoples feelings may bring immediate gratification to them, overall they are not morally sound actions because they are based on lies.

"Berenice" by Edgar Allan Poe

A dichotomy I had never thought of before that Poe posits here: "...evil is a consequence of good, so, in fact, out of joy is sorrow born. Either the memory of past bliss is the anguish of to-day, or the agonies which are have their origin in the ecstasies which might have been" (141).

It is an interesting perspective from which to approach life from, and though depressing, it seems to be quite accurate. Everything we do or encounter, we compare to something else. We have no choice, no other experience from which to base our current experiences off of other than those that we have already had ourselves. One cannot feel joy without having had sorrow, or vice versa. Everything is dependent upon something else--everything is relevant.

Apart from this compelling idea, another thing that I particularly noticed, especially toward the end of the story, was dreamlike quality that the narrative itself took on. All throughout the story there are moments in which day and night are rapidly changing or meshed together, and it is difficult to keep track. It is as if the entire end of the story is one long bout of fitful sleeping that lasts many days and in which he traverses between the dream world and the real world many times.

"She had been seized with epilepsy in the early morning, and now, at the closing in of the night... I found myself sitting in the library, and again sitting there alone seemed that I had newly awakened from a confused and exciting dream. I knew that it was now midnight..." (146). The story before and after this is also filled with declarations of the time of night or day, seemingly very close together and jumbled.

He confesses that "of that dreary period that intervened [he] had no positive--at least no definite comprehension. Yet its memory was replete with horror--horror more horrible from being vague, and terror more terrible from ambiguity... written all over with dim, and hideous, and unintelligible recollections. [He] strived to decypher them, but in vain..." He also "shudder[s] in regarding" things without knowing the reason for his unexplainable fear.

This all strikes me because I have experienced a similar feeling before. I see something, an item or person that to anyone else would mean nothing, and I get a sense of foreboding, fear, or even excitement but I don't know why. Upon thinking about it further, I know I had a dream about that thing but I can't remember the dream at all, just the feeling or sentiment attached to it or in association with it and it is the strangest sensation. I believe these types of associations are with everyone and affect the ways in which people regard certain things without even being aware of it. The seemingly "random" feeling they had once has accompanied them throughout their lives and changed the ways in which they respond to specific things. Granted, we might not go to the extremities of pulling out a corpse's teeth in response to these feelings... At least I hope not.

"Young Goodman Brown" by Nathaniel Hawthorne

Firstly, I'd like to point out this universal assumption that the night time brings harm. It seems that since the beginning of time, the time "after dark" has always been associated with danger. This is curious because, in a way, the night time could signify a time of serenity and calmness. Nevertheless, the widely accepted assumption is manifested in this sentence in "Young Goodman Brown," when Goodman Brown is speaking to his wife before his departure on his night journey:

"Say thy prayers, dear Faith, and go to bed at dusk, and no harm will come to thee" (2258).

I think this is a very fitting way to begin my blog because it lends some insight into the common assumptions regarding our class theme.

Some additional adjectives used throughout the story to describe the night time are "dreary," "evil," "wild," "frightful," "scorn," "deception," and "gloomy."

Also during the night, Goodman Brown seems to be in a dreamlike state, while embarking on his journey through the forest. At one point, while talking to the serpent at the beginning of the trip he exclaims, "'Too far, too far!' exclaimed the goodman, unconsciously resuming his walk" (2259). This calls to mind my own personal experiences with dreaming. There have been many instances in which I do not want to continue in my dream, due to fear, disgust, or any other reason, but I have no choice but to keep moving forward and see what happens next. This seems to be what Goodman Brown is doing.

The night time also breaks down barriers in the story and in real life. It seems to me that at night people are less ashamed to do more outlandish things. My theory is that, because it seems as if there is a veil of obscurity (darkness) at night, people feel as if they can do whatever they desire and they are less likely to be seen. Not only that, but there is a sort of barrier between night and day and it is as if what happens at night can be unspoken of during the day, because the daytime brings reality rushing back. The passage that brings these ideas to mind is: "It was strange to see, that the good shrank not from the wicked, nor were the sinners abashed by the saints" (2264). And though the night may obscure truths, it has the capacity to reveal them as well: "This night it shall be granted you to know their secret deeds; how hoary-bearded elders of the church have whispered wanton words to the young maids of their households; how many a woman, eager for widow's weeds, has given her husband a drink at bedtime, and let him sleep his last sleep in her bosom"... etc. (2265). The controversial nature of the time after dark is exemplified in "Young Goodman Brown" and I think it illustrates well some of the connotations the night time holds in peoples minds. In this respect, it was a good first piece for our class to read because it puts things into a perspective of sorts.

The Plan

For my senior capstone, my plan is to write a short blog entry about each piece we read in ENG 445. For the blog stage of this project, I simply want to make note of the most prominent impressions I get initially from each piece before talking about them in class--just my unbiased thoughts based on reading the piece in a very stream-of-consciousness fashion. I may also note things the texts make me think of or remind me of, include pictures, or compare them to other things I've read in the past; but mostly, I will point to excerpts or quotes from the texts that particularly strike me. At the end of this process, I am going to review all of the aspects I've noticed about the works as a whole and look for any patterns that may arise or a commonality between most of my thoughts regarding them. I am hoping to reach a personal conclusion regarding the class theme of "After Dark" and expand on it in a final paper, tying all the works we have covered in class together. I will title each blog entry with the title and author name for simplicity's sake.